My wife wants kids but I am not ready yet We got married less then a year ago and my wife wants to have kids in x. I am not opposed to having kids but I just think we should wait a little longer for a couple reasons x) I want to enjoy being married for a bit x) Financial. We are not broke but it would be hard on one income. I also prefer to have a house xst etc. I do worry that if someone lost a job it would be devastating if we had a kid. We spoke about it and the conversation did not go well. What do you guys think?

I hate taking sides in this type of argument but - There is a lot to be said to having kids sooner than later. If you can't compromise about when you want the child, how do you expect to agree about how to raise the child?

We are pretty much of the same mind set on things I dont think I would have married if we were not. I am not saying that we agree all the time but their are not to many things we do not see eye to eye on.

You're going to make her nervous about the marriage and whether she made a mistake marrying you. A year or two one way or the other isn't going to matter that much for your finances, but it can fuck up your marriage. Man up and give her what she wants.

it's his life too a-hole So, no, he doesn't have to just "man up" because she can't hit the snooze button on her baby clock.

Yes, 'man up'.... And do whatever your wife says. Do not have an opinion...thats only manly when it supports her opinion. ;}

How old is your wife? How old are you?

don't wait too long. It is hard to think about retirement if your offspring is looking at college.

Thing is, if you wait and wait, then you might have to wait until it's later than you want before she completes a pregnancy. It would be nice to have a few years to play around, but at your ages you already did that before you got married. You are at an ideal age to start a family now. Buying a house these days might not be such a great idea. As long as you haven't sunk a big down payment into an asset of dubious value, you have little to lose. I'd keep renting if I were you. You can put it off and put it off, and she'll get frustrated, and five years from now you won't feel any more confident than you do today. I say bite the bullet and toss the birth control. It might still take some time after that. The longer you wait, the less likely you'll get The Big Payoff: grandchildren!

Might as well start trying. It may take a lot longer than you think. Female fertility starts to decline in the late x's....

Either don't do it at all, or get on with it. Waiting is the worst thing you can do.

Wow I did not know those are the only choices.

They are the only smart choices in his situation. If his first child is born today, he'll be sending the child off to college at age x, just when he would like to be building up his retirement account in earnest. It goes downhill from there. Dragging his feet now could set him back another x-x years. Then he's x-x when junior heads off to college. We had our first of two when I was x, the xnd came when I was x. I'm glad we didn't wait a day longer.

those are only your smart choices, that may not be theirs. Their life is not set on your schedule of what is smart or not, is all I am saying. They have to live it, so what is logical for you might not be for them. I do understand your points but they have to live their own life under their own values and priorities. You can make suggestions only, imho.

I vote do it now

What is her big hurry? Why the rush? I think your reasons for wanting to wait are sound and reasonable ones. Unless she is over x, what is the big rush? There is a lot to be said for having some fun together and bonding more and creating a solid happy marriage first. Because kids are an enormous strain on most marriages. The most likely time for a man to cheat is during the wfe's pregnancy or when the first child is still and infant or a baby. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes couples make --- having kids too early in the relationship. So many divorces happen because the marriage is not ready for all strain and stresses of child rearing. Babies ruin your sleep, often they ruin the sex life, social life, finances, travel. This is not to say kids are without their rewards, but what is the hurry? Why not enjoy coupledom before plunging into diapers and irreversible responsibilities?

But waiting too long is also a problem at x (almost), I get to enjoy an empty nest before I am ready for a nursing home. My wife was more horny (not less) when she was prego

Create a budget. That will consider children popping out of her in the next year.

why didn't the conversation go well? are you both trying to push your own needs more than hearing and understanding each others?

I say it didnt go well but we did not yell at each other. the conversation just ended with us not talking about for now.

Financial is not an excuse You will never have enough money to have a kid. You adjust your lifestyle, and become a father. you are a family with kids. you have responsibilities. If you have a kid now, or in x years, guess what. the loss of a job will be devastating if you have a kid. timing doesn't matter. Having kids actually pushed me in my career. I wanted to provide for them, be able to send them to private school, and have the things they needed. If it were just me I would be fine living in a slum somewhere and not have a $x,x mortgage in the midwest. I would not have cared if I crossed x figures in income. When we had our first kid the wife and I both worked. We did the math, and determined that we were actually spending xk a year for her to work. Not making anything. When you consider wardrobe, lunches, dinners out because you both work late and are too tired to cook, daycare, higher tax rates with the higher income, and in a lot of cases a lack of earned income credit from the higher income..... it ads up. Reason x is MUCH more of a true desire to not have kids. If you want to enjoy the kidless married life, that is a very viable argument. The end result is, don't sweat the money, and if you guys can't talk about this and figure it out, then DON'T EVER have kids. Your styles of thought are too different, as are your desires and expectations of a family.

One step at a time A lot depends on your wife's age. If she is over x, then yeah, she might be feeling a little rushed. It's too bad this is coming up now, because this is the sort of thing that should have been sorted out before marrying, so that people have a clear idea of the other person's feelings about children, timing, etc. and that these discussions aren't a complete surprise. But hindsight is x/x . . . I think the best thing you can do now is to reassure her that children are definitely on the table. Your reasons are reasonable ones, I think, and as I said, the only thing that would be an issue is your wife's age. What you may have to do is make an agreement that you have x amount of time as unfettered adults, and that after x time, you'll agree to start trying for a baby. None of this vague "later, maybe" stuff. Pick a date and say that you'll be happy to start then, but right now, you just want to enjoy your lovely wife without the overwhelming odor of formula, baby spitup and diapers spoiling the mood :-) If finances are an issue (and for most people they are), this would be a good time to talk about solid planning for children. That's a responsible, adult thing to do. Setting up a savings plan to tide you over for a year or so of lost income, saving for a downpayment, etc. are all things that caring, loving parents do for their families. Sit down with her and both of you go over the numbers, figure in child care/child needs, and have an honest talk about how you can both reach your financial goals. If she has a goal and a sense of working towards it and making steady progress (i.e., raising x amount of money for a downpayment), she may be more amendable to waiting a bit. Goodness knows, this is definitely the market to buy a house in!! Offer to get in touch with a real estate agent and both of you talk to them about what you would need in order to purchase a home at this time. There are so many first-time-homebuyer credits and programs right now, you might be surprised that you might not need as much as you think.

you are a pessimest adn she is optomist you can lose a job, a house, a dick even at any time. if you are married and she is ready..I will say go for it. you can only guarentee today not tomorrow.

Did you live together prior to marriage?

Same thing happened with my brother. He's the same as you...x yrs older than his wife. He wanted a baby, she did not. She got prgnant. She cried her eyes out. Tragedy struck and she miscarried. Talk about devastating. Changed both of them. He didnt want a kid and now she did. Both of them went into depression...my brother felt so helpless that there was absolutely nothing he could do to help his wife. Well, she got pregnant again. She was terrified. She was in labor for x hours. The entire family camped out at the hospital. Finally, she gave birth to a xlb baby girl (yeah, I know, "Holy %#%& thats a big kid!"). A couple years later, I noticed that my brother was down. He then told me that his wife was pregnant again and he was worried about finances. As usual, when husbands and wives work well together, they weathered the storm. Dont worry about the 'what ifs?'...youre a married man, you cant live in fear and expect to have a healthy family life.

I think... You should discussed the time frame and expectations about finances before you got married.

Just a suggestion. Compromise You know it is right when both parties are left wanting---lol! Sorry just joking. Try to put plans on paper. Have her write down her reasons and you write down your reasons. Compare and discuss in a neutral time and place like over breakfast on a day off so no other obligations of other needs to be accomplished on that day. Be sure you bring your listening cap on and quiet your mind of what you want to say before she has had a chance to fully articulate her reasons! Set actual dates of accomplishment that you both can agree on and if they are not met then move ahead with her goals. You both need to sign it so that she and you see it in a concrete way. Heck post it on the refrigerator door. Once the dates and goals are set you will be amazed that you will start to see ways to accomplish those goals. Now they are only ideas without solidity/substance but merely wishes.

I like this idea too :)

Boy do I know where your wife is coming from and your reasons are exactly the same as my DH's. Starting a family is serious business and not to be taken lightly, so it's not surprising that it's not an easy thing to talk about. But you have too. You'll both just get more frustrated if you don't. She's saying x, so it's not like she's not demanding 'right this minute', right? You need to get a better understanding of her time frame, and she of yours. When, realistiy, do you think would be good timing for you? Maybe you could start trying on your x year anniversary or something? It IS scary, but that doesn't mean it wont be worth it.