Refusal to go with Non-CP What do you do if your 12 year old flat out refuses to go with dad? The child is in counseling and I have been forcing her to go but she is starting to resent me from forcing her. Dad has done some really squirrly things.

you have to make her go or you are in we deal with the same crap

I know it just sucks to see your child hurt so much by all of this.

my step son does the same thing he is 11

Honestly Why wouldn't your daughter want to go with her dad unless she was being coached. Has he ever done anything to make her not want be with him?

Yes he has... Stood her up several times, bad mouths mom, forces time with GF, drinks a lot around her, CPS has been involved with hitting...

Okay then,... you should have stated that in your first post. In order to protect your daughter, you will want to document all of these incidents and present them to the court. They probably won't care about "bad mouths mom" or "time with GF", but abuse is a different story. Just don't keep your daughter from him until the court says it is okay - looks bad for you, otherwise.

He was ordered counseling for anger management. I have encouraged her to , etc. but the kid is very mature for her age. Dad has been living with GF since he moved out a year ago. There is more to the story - breast cancer and him not supporting us during it all also.

I can relate. Mine was depression with little (emotional) support. My daughter is the same age (12) and she is handling it better than I. She worries about me, though.

Children should never have to 'worry' about their parent. They should be , not have to take on the role of being a parent for a parent. I hope you overcome the situation for your child's sake. Good luck.

Yes!!! Moms/Dads need to keep worries to themselves. Children are SO attuned to Mom or Dad and they internalize everything and try to fix whatever they perceive needs fixing or being taken care of.

Not returning phone s of the child... even when the kid ask dad not to bring GF to her school program he does. Kid walked off stage etc. I am not coaching her to cut him out of her - she already told me she doesn't want a relationship w/him.

I think you need to tell your daughter in a nice way that neither she or you can prevent the dad from being with anyone he chooses to be with. I am sorry because your daughter is obviously hurting about the divorce and it bothers her seeing him with another woman. I know it is difficult, as my ex started sleeping with other men the very first week that she and the moved out (and the were in her home).

Nitwit, I swear

Never mind

A little young but worth trying: At x I believe the child can choose to visit or not visit NCP parent per the law regardless of visitation schedule/etc. If your daughter feels strongly about this it migh be worth asking the judge/court evaluator to talk with her and make a determination as to whether it is in her best interests to continue visiting under the current conditions. If you choose to do this, I would keep it quiet from her until AFTER you talk to the court about the possibility and they agree to some sort of interview or such.

In Texas a x year old can have the court consider changing visitation and/or primary custodian in some cases. Not sure about your state. You are caught in a bad situation as you want to protect your child's feelings yet you don't want to be considered the 'bad guy' for forcing the child do follow a court order, and you don't want to be in contempt for not following it. Yikes! I would get a free legal consult to see what your options are. Good luck.

Thanks for the advice...

what does the therapist say?

He said the dad was messed up and to that I should limit the time with dad. Nothing is court ordered at the moment...the therapist said to allow her to speak her mind. Unfortunately dad doesn't see that she is hurting, he just states I am brain washing her against him. Sad thing is I haven't uttered a bad word about him.

Do I understand you correct that there are no court orders for visitation?

That is correct...we are operatiing under the initial filing. We have been to a mediator but nothing has been finalized or agreed upon.

Need to clear things up... Dad was ordered by CPS to go to counseling...not by the courts.

Just because a kid doesn't want to go doesn't mean that they should be allowed to choose. That would be like saying it's ok for my kids to run away when they are mad at me and don't want to see me. Thats silly, kids get angry with parents for various reasons, and they have to realize that we are people too, we make mistakes and sometimes their feelings may get hurt. But you only get one set of parents! If there are issues of abuse, then he should not have visitation in the first place, and you need to go to court and get that changed.

First, this advice is only if there are no court orders in place. I would send dad a letter or email (or course, keep copy) and explain that daughter is having a very difficult time with their relationship and very vocal about not wanting to go with him on his terms; that you do not think it is healthy for you to get in the middle of their relationship but that you think that she needs to know that you will support and protect her. Therefore, suggest that he find and schedule some counseling for the two of them to work on their issues and to arrive at a visitation schedule and terms. Add that when he finds a proposed counselor, he provides you with the name, contact into so you can make sure the counselor is appropriate for the situation. Family Court Services in your county usually has a list of well trained custody counselors. Then tell your daughter that you want her to have a relationship with her dad but that the two of them need to work out the visitation so she can have a voice. In this way, if he finds a motion with the court, you are protected from his allegations of keeping her from him. In the meanwhile, no visits unless she agrees to them.