Why feel the need to meet with an EX ? My Bf has an ex that he has mentioned from about 10 years ago. It was a goofy relationship. She cheated and was just a bitch according to him. They were both early 20's and went their seperate ways. They both still email each other and are somewhat friendly. She is married with 2 . He told me she was coming into town from another state to pick up a car she was buying in a few months. Well he left his email open and I snooped , yes bad I know. Come to find out she wants to meet up with him and apologize for all her wrong doing. He emails her back and agrees and than offers to go with her to pick the car up since he knows the area. He is a sweet very honest man and I have never distrusted him. Why does this bother me she is now feeling the need to " talk" ?

Maybe its just the unknown and the unexpected?

Thats always tough.... My SO has an ex that he is still friends with, they dated for 7 months but it was his only long relationship before me. They email occasionally and it bothers me but I try not to say anything since she is living in Africa right now as a member of the PeaceCorps. I've never had a reason not to trust him either, but I am worried that when she comes back here in August of 2010 she will want to see him. I'm not sure what will happen. For me, its all about trusting him, and knowing that at the end of the day he is coming home to YOU and not her. Maybe he just wants to let her get things off her chest and he's just trying to be nice. It might be a good idea to let him know how you feel, but be careful with your words!

My experience w/ Peace Corps ex Hi there, just wanted to tell you I was one of those dudes that was involved with a person who left for the Peace Corps, we were together for 1.3 years, right up until she left. My problem with that was: I dated so many girls in that span of time, but never connected with them. I ended up going and visiting her 2 times while she was away, she came up for Christmas. Outward, I let go of it but inside I really couldn't. I passed up several excellent women for the hopes of being with this girl. 2 months until she comes back she tells me her feelings have changed. When I finally saw her after 6 months she told me she had fallen in love with another volunteer. I want to be friends with her, but since it was a very sexually charged relationship, I don't know right now. In a way I wish it hadn't of happened like this, I knew it was probably for the better, but still kinda painful to know. When your boyfriend's ex comes back, depending on the type of relationship, it might be difficult for him to not want to have dirty sex with her. I'm just being honest. Sex is so amazing when your anticipation has built up. Unfortunately, in my case, my ex didn't want to budge although she is still very much attracted to me, she doesn't want to ruin it with the other guy. Ahh, whatever! Have a great New Year!!!

often it's for closure. in this case it sounds like the romance is long dead for good reasons, and they have remained friendly. she's moved on, and so has he. so unless the emails you snooped in are steamy, I'd say closure is the likeliest reason and result. as for why it bothers you: you're feeling insecure, and much less trusting than you sound if you felt the need to snoop in the first place. insecurity is quite unattractive. get over it.

Ya know how I handled such things? Back during that first decade of marriage, with or without DW at ma side, if a good looking woman was walking our way on the sidewalk, I'd cross the street. Once in the control tower in Bakersfield I happened to look down and saw a secretary in her office watching me - she waved - I waved back - next thing I know she's "visiting" the tower and standing next to me while I worked Local Control. I had a guy take over my position, said I had to go pee, scooted down the stairwell, popped ma head inside the Chief's office, and said, "I'm goin' home on sick leave," and bugged out. Scooted ma butt on home. And, again, with or without DW, I never looked at women on the street or anywhere else. I WENT WAY OUTA MA WAY TO TAKE NO CHANCES, AND IT WORKED WELL FOR ME. Would I have considered even talking to an old ex, much less meeting them for some reason? Absolutely not. To me, real or imagined, I went way outa ma way to be sure that I was never tempted to get outa line.

kinda extreme, really it'd work, of course, but you'd have to avoid an awful lot of innocent interactions to bypass the occasional serious temptation. I'm a fan of toughening up your resistance by not trying to insulate yourself at every turn, but just avoiding being alone with particularly tempting parties.

Not sure why I feel threatened because he is such an honest guy. Just think I am more pissed at her because I know how she treated him . He never had too many nice words to say about when they were togehter.

they undoubtedly make better friends than lovers and she's probably grown up a lot since then.

WATCH OUT SPHYNX IS GONNA TRY TO GET YOU TO ACCEPT HER AND HIM HANGING OUT

Yep, & you'll argue the other side and OP will make up his mind as he likes, based on his own inclinations and the qualities of our respective arguments.

AWESOME I know where you've been I think. I'm trying that myself. Good job and keep it up.

You're making little to no sense, to me. Was this behaviour exclusive to the first decade of your marriage? And how did it work out well for you since you decided to persue neighbors at about the point in your marriage that most people might need to work harder at avoiding temptation? "I went way outa ma way to be sure that I was never tempted to get outa line." When and why did you decide to move the line?

Oh well, at least they never argued about it.

Szondi, Have you ever wondered if you and your wife were willing to have some of the heated discussions that you seem to view as only negative when you see mentioned here on the board, if perhaps you might have kept close enough with each other to not seek all of the outside companionship you both ended out needing? And having built stronger bonds, sometimes through even arguing, that after x years you would have been closer than ever and been able to seek common goals rather than going separtate ways? I guess it's a moot point, though. You enjoyed the xyrs you were married, and you seem rather satisfied with where you are now. But it's just something yours posts have made me wonder.

It was a good marriage. I think she chose me cause I made her happy, danced her around the kitchen, always went straight home, found her very sexy pregnant, gave her as many children as she wanted, and we fucked each others brains out throughout the marriage. The extra stuff on the side was simply ego and hormones... not need. It was fun to be adored by more than just one's spouse... it was fun to practice the art of making love. Ah, should I mention we were rather attractive and got hit on allot, so it wasn't that we had to go looking... it was always at the doorstep. We truly loved each other and the children, however, she really did want that career after the children had grown up, really did wanna live in the city with symphony, ballet, opera, and status in the financial district. Me? I really didn't want that. I wanted to live out in the woods with nature, ride horses, fast motorcycles, fly airplanes, dive into the purple depths of the Pacific with scuba, continue having lots of girlfriends, and wear jeans & tee shirts (no black tie stuff for me)... She was quite successful with her second career (with near a half million I gave her, which was everything I had), and I enjoyed my outdoor life, then editor/publisher, and now retired out in the woods. We email once a week and have had a couple sexual affairs over this last x years apart. Unfortunately for her, to this day she has never had an orgasm with her xnd DH. Now, at x, she doesn't much care. Without talking about it or having some sorta roadmap, we never did see marriage as much more than having and raising children... beyond that we had different interest and needs. It would have been foolish to have stayed together just for the sake of saying we had a x year marriage.

Upon re-reading your last to me I feel compelled to expand. I went at marriage like everyone else ("this is forever and only between us")... it was hard to maintain (as noted today), but I was happy with it plus extremely happy with DW. I could never get too much of her time or body... for the most part it was like being way out in the Pacific on an island with no one else (other than the ) for thousands of miles. I had all I wanted. Didn't need friends, family, bankers, or trolleys... it was a real hoot... always went straight home after work with the rest of the crew raggin' on me to stop with them at the local bar. Nope, not me, not even me. When the marriage went "open" with her affair, it turned me upsidedown for awhile, but I didn't show it and we never argued. When I finally did get around to making it an open marriage, it was just as fun as when "she was my world". I never thought less of her. Actually, I made excuses for her... several of them... but the one that finally put it to bed was, "By golly, good for her, she beat me to it." At that point I figured one or the other of us would cross that line sooner or later... only a matter of time... so in my mind I gave her chart a star for having the courage to be first. Throughout the marriage, how long it would last was neither a question or a goal. I knew it would last until (or "if") we no longer saw it as the very best possible fun. Good and evil was never ever considered. No toying with fault either. We have remained lifetime friends and lovers. My dad had left me over a quarter million dollars, and the xbr, xbath, swimming pool house on one acre overlooking the Pacific Ocean with only a xk mortgage left was easily given to her cause she still had a x-year-old to finish raising, besides that, I didn't need the money - figured she did - so I packed ma bike, one suitcase of jean & tee shirts, and left in ma Toyota pickup (I had just bought her a new Honda Civic). I taught Shana to ride. She and David loved spending their off time me. DW had her tubes tied and within the month was bedding down with a hippie she always liked. Hell, everyone was happy = no victims.

Hhhmmmm...I kind of want a boyfriend just like you, but also kind of want to tell you you need to learn to say "I'm taken" and be done with running away from women :)

Ulterior motives... It's reasonable to be suspicious of her. The good news here, is that he is kind and trustworthy, so he wont be fucking her, despite her intentions.

Has he told you about the meeting yet? I was thinking if he had said something to you about meeting her, maybe you could go along. I know it might sound weird and I don't say this as a means to control him. I say this as a way of meeting her for yourself. You might understand where she is coming from and maybe make a friend in the process or at the very least you might feel better about the whole thing.

He just mentioned she was coming but never said anything to me about meeting up with her. It's a ways off and I am going to wait and see if he brings it up. I would have no problem meeting her although I would have to buck it up in the respect department for her after hearing the stories. It bothers me that she possibly doesn't know we live together. I was kind of hoping in one of her emails she would ask him if his girlfriend would have a problem with them getting together.

Stop being nosey! If you are still looking at his email, stop. Tell him how you feel and ask him what he is feeling. Stop assuming and communicate with him.

That was my next question if he tells you about her and that he's going to meet her to help her with something reasonable (like picking up a car in an area she doesn't know and he does), I would have no problem with that. If he DOESN'T tell you he's meeting with her, I'd be pretty upset about that.

Waiting game right now but you are exactly right. It would feel sneaky to me so I'll see. I have an ex that is a pilot ( high school BF ) and when he comes into town he wants to meet up. I always invite my current BF.

I were you I would not trust this situation at all. A woman in need is a dangerous woman to a relationship. Why would he want to take the chance of being overcome with temptation just so he can driver her around town? These two have a past, and could easily spin out of control quickly. I am sure that he is making it sound very innocent. Sounds like she needs to a cab! Would be cheaper than divorce.

Communicate with him. I am of the belief that if you are bothered by something, let the other party know. Don't make it their fault. You own your feelings. Just state that you are not comfortable with them communicating or whatever. Understanding that you will have to deal with their choice of continueing to do what you are not comfortable with. Hopefully they will cease the action. I need work on this area as I tend to continue to bother my wife. Partly why I am commenting. If I see it written down I may try harder to do this her way. Enough about me. I say if you're bothered, your SO has the right to know how you are bothered. Snoopin' in the e-mail? Those who hide nothing, have nothing to hide. If he doesn't want you lookin in there. I would question. He left it open. Indicates to me his intentions are just. Talk to him about "personal life" boundaries. I think a strong couple would have no boundaries. "Honey you can look anywhere, anytime you want." sort of thing. Just my take on it and how I want my relationship to be!